At 2:47am. AGAIN!
So, for the past 2 nights now I've been waking up again in the middle of the night. Seriously, when this happens I'm having the hardest time reading in the day. It like really messing with my stamina.
I really need a hug. =( This makes me extremely sad.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Good morning!
And when I say "Good Morning", I mean "I hope you are sleeping well, but you'll need to get up in the few hours." Yes- back to waking up at 2am (mountain time). I think I'm catching on to a trend though. I think it's to do with stress. Last night I fell asleep after writing my last post which ending with "RTCS. =(" Let me explain.
RTCS- A place which I consider home to me. I seriously love that place, as I say almost in every post, it was placed in my life by God to save me. I'm watching my school fall apart this summer. I don't know what's going on but by the teacher's reactions, apparently it isn't going well. I want it to be there for me to graduation and to come back to. It really makes me upset. I'm going to try my best to help my school this year but there is only so much a senior with a senior project, president of Community Service, and secretary of Student Council can do. Not to mention about the musical. I really feel like God is trying to push me to help though.
Now, that is only one stress in my life. I had a fight with someone. Again, I really can't talk about it. But, apparently we didn't feel the same way about each other and that was a shocker. Everything is ok though. We are working it out.
The next thing that is bothering me, is.... well, the usual thing that it bothering me. Being accepted by Christ. My mom said something to me last night that really was nice. She said that Christ has already accepted me, I'm not accepting myself. Which..... made me start thinking. Again. If God has already accepted me, why can't I feel good about me? Chris (my psychologist) says that it's because when I got hurt when I was young I put limits on myself and some crazy standards. I am falling so far away just because I'm murdering myself with my own thoughts. (figuratively, of course)
I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. It's getting really hard for me to read my summer reading. I had planned to do my summer reading really early in the summer and have most of the summer just to relax. But then I got really sick on July 3rd. I didn't eat for a week and a half. I wasn't myself till around mid July and I'm really trying to be better now. It's really been a difficult summer for me but I know that through Christ I will be ok.
Prayers would be appreciated. I spend a lot of time everyday praying for strength and clarity. I don't need to be worried. I'm 17 years old and I'm healthy and I have a lot that others don't have. I should be ok. I started working out last night. I'm going to come back to school like this summer wasn't so horrible and come back stronger and ready to take this year on. I'm sorry I write for a long time. Though I think I'm the only one that reads this. Which is fine because I think this is kinda like therapy. <3 Lyss
RTCS- A place which I consider home to me. I seriously love that place, as I say almost in every post, it was placed in my life by God to save me. I'm watching my school fall apart this summer. I don't know what's going on but by the teacher's reactions, apparently it isn't going well. I want it to be there for me to graduation and to come back to. It really makes me upset. I'm going to try my best to help my school this year but there is only so much a senior with a senior project, president of Community Service, and secretary of Student Council can do. Not to mention about the musical. I really feel like God is trying to push me to help though.
Now, that is only one stress in my life. I had a fight with someone. Again, I really can't talk about it. But, apparently we didn't feel the same way about each other and that was a shocker. Everything is ok though. We are working it out.
The next thing that is bothering me, is.... well, the usual thing that it bothering me. Being accepted by Christ. My mom said something to me last night that really was nice. She said that Christ has already accepted me, I'm not accepting myself. Which..... made me start thinking. Again. If God has already accepted me, why can't I feel good about me? Chris (my psychologist) says that it's because when I got hurt when I was young I put limits on myself and some crazy standards. I am falling so far away just because I'm murdering myself with my own thoughts. (figuratively, of course)
I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. It's getting really hard for me to read my summer reading. I had planned to do my summer reading really early in the summer and have most of the summer just to relax. But then I got really sick on July 3rd. I didn't eat for a week and a half. I wasn't myself till around mid July and I'm really trying to be better now. It's really been a difficult summer for me but I know that through Christ I will be ok.
Prayers would be appreciated. I spend a lot of time everyday praying for strength and clarity. I don't need to be worried. I'm 17 years old and I'm healthy and I have a lot that others don't have. I should be ok. I started working out last night. I'm going to come back to school like this summer wasn't so horrible and come back stronger and ready to take this year on. I'm sorry I write for a long time. Though I think I'm the only one that reads this. Which is fine because I think this is kinda like therapy. <3 Lyss
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My knee
So- if you know me pretty well..... After AGG, I did some weird thing with my knee and I damaged my miniskiss or something like that. Well. It got better (obviously, because I can walk on it again) but once in a while it starts hurting again......
Now is the time.
Sharp pains that are in the inside of my knee are shooting. It's very painful and I feel like crying. =(
But that's not my only problem......
RTCS. =(
Now is the time.
Sharp pains that are in the inside of my knee are shooting. It's very painful and I feel like crying. =(
But that's not my only problem......
RTCS. =(
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Trusting in God
So, I just had a very..... interesting day. My sister and I sat in bed watching movies.... all day. Well, then it got more interesting. We went to a mexican restuarant..... I have an ulcer.... pain. Ok..... it gets better. A friend called me. Someone who I've pretty much have betrayed because I felt betrayed. I should'nt have been so upset without talking to her first. So, we talked and cried and to end the story we want to start a Bible study with each other every day when school begins and all so we can help each other be on track even though we are so far away from each other. I was stupid and we have forgiven each other and we are going to be better. Then!! Then it gets better!! Mrs. Struble is making a .25 or .5 credit music class!! EEK! It will be for juniors and seniors and we will look at more music for the concerts and work on some theory. =) I can't wait!! I feel so much better. I just need to get through these horribly hard books for summer reading. But ya, I know God is working in my life. Thank you for all the prayers. =)
Dream....
I have the weirdest dreams.... ever. I had a dream that Jesus was on His cross. I turned my head for a moment and the next thing I knew He was floating up into the sky with the cross. I reached out and asked Him to take me with Him. He was floating to the sky (with His back towards me) He turned His head and looked over and said "7 days and 6 nights".
At that point, I woke up and had these weird chills going from my toes up to my head.
At that point, I woke up and had these weird chills going from my toes up to my head.
Friday, August 1, 2008
I can't win....
Well, I was sooooo close of sleeping through the night. Two nights ago I only woke up 2 times and that was only for like 5 minutes each. I was soooo happy. Then last night I waited till I was completely tired and went to bed..... 6 hours later here I am typing on the computer and very very sad. I think what really bums me out about not being able to sleep well is that we are on vacation and everyday I seem to be a little on edge and taking naps and just in a zone.
We received really bad news last night that I really am not suppose to talk about but it has to do with some person, cancer, and chemo. Now, my mom, dad, and I volunteer at a Cancer Wellness Center up in Meadville and I know chemo works. I think the whole thing that scares me is that this person is gonna be so weak from it. I was talking to my parents last night about all these people I know who have died from cancer or are dying of cancer. They told me to put those people up to everyone I know. It isn't a lot. But it's like 5..... in the past year. Which is a lot to me. They were/are great people in my life.
I wish I was a child again. Like before I was hurt and felt pain for the first time. I didn't worry about death, or thinking correctly, or anything. I was innocent and now I have all these stains of what I've done all over me. I always remind myself that Christ died to clean the sins off His people. But there is something in the back of my head that says that why would He want someone like me. I know that we aren't perfect and we will never be but ya. I'm not sure. If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. I think I'm almost in constant prayer during the day.
This is getting to be pretty depressing.... let's talk about something that's happy.... Grove City College!! =) That always puts a smile on my face. Haha. I'm laying here right now with the laptop on my stomach and it being 5:12 in the morning with this smirk on my face. Nathan was telling me about GCC a couple days ago. Apparently, they give you a laptop and printer for 4 years, complimentary. That definitely put a plus to GCC. =) My parents tell me not to put all my hope in it. It's just a college where I feel maybe where God is calling me. I just pray that I can get accepted.
GCC Pros:
Christian School.
Specific majors (Early Childhood. Elementary Education.)
Laptop and Printer.
Katie, Nathan, and Andy go there already.
Touring Choir, (color guard??), Honor groups for Education (bucket load of them)
50 minutes from home.
Not in a city but not in the country.
Not the biggest school, but not the littlest school.
I met the president of the school at Kennywood and he's a great guy.
It seriously makes me smile just hearing the name.
GCC cons:
$$$$ It's not that much but it's enough to have issues.
Ya. That's all I can think of. And I sat here a couple minutes trying to think about the cons. When I thought about the pros they just came flowing from my mind.
My sister just woke up. Sometimes she only stays awake for like 10 seconds but during those 10 seconds it's the funniest thing ever. Like the other night, I was awake and my dad got up to get some medicine for his stomach. Britt opened up her eyes and looked at me and gave me a face like "I'm mad because I hear noise....". I think you had to be there but she cracks me up. She always gives me a confused face. Hahahaha. I love my sister. =)
Tomorrow, we are going to Sedona, Arizona. Which our next big stop. We are staying there for 6 days. This time it's all relaxation. At Yellowstone we were up and out and driving and walking. Here, it's laying out and reading and just watching God's work without rushing. Maybe my body will calm during this time and let me sleep through the night.... what do you think? It's worth a thought right? After Sedona, we are off to Branson (spell?) Missouri. BM has a show going on right now of all these new Broadway shows put into one show. I'm begging my parents into letting me go and watch it.
Oh!! That made me think! A few days ago we were in Cody, Wyoming and I wasn't in a good mood because of the lack of sleep and my stomach started hurting and ya..... it wasn't cool. But my parents surprised me and we went to an "old time picture" place. There was a pretty awesome set where there was a bar and we got into these "proper ladies" costumes and daddy dressed as a gangster. To shorten the story, after taking the picture we decided on 2 pictures. One of all of us smiling at the camera and one of all the girls pointing their guns at daddy and daddy having a shocked face on. My dad's face was priceless. haha. It was a little slice of theater which made me completely happy.
Which goes into the next thing I'll talk about. We are probably doing Godspell at my church. I may be co-directing with Jason (J-Dawg). John and Sondra will choreograph. The only problem that I see is that we did it when I was in 3rd grade. There were people in the cast that will want the same parts.... that will be a slight problem. But, my dad will be there to support me like he was in "Once Upon A Parable" and maybe if Jason casts with me then maybe some people will understand a little better. Jason is an actor in Pittsburgh. He usually works with Pittsburgh Musical Theater. So- his judgement is critical at times but it's really nice to have someone to help you. Jason has been working on my acting with me. It's really nice of him. Summer is his fiancee and happens to be one of my best friends. Summer and I have talked so much lately. She's another blessing in my life. She's 23, he's 37, and I'm 17. We are such a great trio. When I left church 2 Sundays ago I hugged Summer and I don't think I let go for a second. She's been there through a lot lately and I appreciate her so much. Summer and I teach baton and color guard on Thursday nights. It's pretty beast. =)
I swear this is like a remedy. Every time I type I feel so much better about things. I know I'm not the best writer. (I hear that alot.....) My tutor tells me not to write like I talk. But this is a blog not an essay for an application to a certain school ;)
Good night (or morning by this point) talk to you soon! =)
<3 Lyss
We received really bad news last night that I really am not suppose to talk about but it has to do with some person, cancer, and chemo. Now, my mom, dad, and I volunteer at a Cancer Wellness Center up in Meadville and I know chemo works. I think the whole thing that scares me is that this person is gonna be so weak from it. I was talking to my parents last night about all these people I know who have died from cancer or are dying of cancer. They told me to put those people up to everyone I know. It isn't a lot. But it's like 5..... in the past year. Which is a lot to me. They were/are great people in my life.
I wish I was a child again. Like before I was hurt and felt pain for the first time. I didn't worry about death, or thinking correctly, or anything. I was innocent and now I have all these stains of what I've done all over me. I always remind myself that Christ died to clean the sins off His people. But there is something in the back of my head that says that why would He want someone like me. I know that we aren't perfect and we will never be but ya. I'm not sure. If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. I think I'm almost in constant prayer during the day.
This is getting to be pretty depressing.... let's talk about something that's happy.... Grove City College!! =) That always puts a smile on my face. Haha. I'm laying here right now with the laptop on my stomach and it being 5:12 in the morning with this smirk on my face. Nathan was telling me about GCC a couple days ago. Apparently, they give you a laptop and printer for 4 years, complimentary. That definitely put a plus to GCC. =) My parents tell me not to put all my hope in it. It's just a college where I feel maybe where God is calling me. I just pray that I can get accepted.
GCC Pros:
Christian School.
Specific majors (Early Childhood. Elementary Education.)
Laptop and Printer.
Katie, Nathan, and Andy go there already.
Touring Choir, (color guard??), Honor groups for Education (bucket load of them)
50 minutes from home.
Not in a city but not in the country.
Not the biggest school, but not the littlest school.
I met the president of the school at Kennywood and he's a great guy.
It seriously makes me smile just hearing the name.
GCC cons:
$$$$ It's not that much but it's enough to have issues.
Ya. That's all I can think of. And I sat here a couple minutes trying to think about the cons. When I thought about the pros they just came flowing from my mind.
My sister just woke up. Sometimes she only stays awake for like 10 seconds but during those 10 seconds it's the funniest thing ever. Like the other night, I was awake and my dad got up to get some medicine for his stomach. Britt opened up her eyes and looked at me and gave me a face like "I'm mad because I hear noise....". I think you had to be there but she cracks me up. She always gives me a confused face. Hahahaha. I love my sister. =)
Tomorrow, we are going to Sedona, Arizona. Which our next big stop. We are staying there for 6 days. This time it's all relaxation. At Yellowstone we were up and out and driving and walking. Here, it's laying out and reading and just watching God's work without rushing. Maybe my body will calm during this time and let me sleep through the night.... what do you think? It's worth a thought right? After Sedona, we are off to Branson (spell?) Missouri. BM has a show going on right now of all these new Broadway shows put into one show. I'm begging my parents into letting me go and watch it.
Oh!! That made me think! A few days ago we were in Cody, Wyoming and I wasn't in a good mood because of the lack of sleep and my stomach started hurting and ya..... it wasn't cool. But my parents surprised me and we went to an "old time picture" place. There was a pretty awesome set where there was a bar and we got into these "proper ladies" costumes and daddy dressed as a gangster. To shorten the story, after taking the picture we decided on 2 pictures. One of all of us smiling at the camera and one of all the girls pointing their guns at daddy and daddy having a shocked face on. My dad's face was priceless. haha. It was a little slice of theater which made me completely happy.
Which goes into the next thing I'll talk about. We are probably doing Godspell at my church. I may be co-directing with Jason (J-Dawg). John and Sondra will choreograph. The only problem that I see is that we did it when I was in 3rd grade. There were people in the cast that will want the same parts.... that will be a slight problem. But, my dad will be there to support me like he was in "Once Upon A Parable" and maybe if Jason casts with me then maybe some people will understand a little better. Jason is an actor in Pittsburgh. He usually works with Pittsburgh Musical Theater. So- his judgement is critical at times but it's really nice to have someone to help you. Jason has been working on my acting with me. It's really nice of him. Summer is his fiancee and happens to be one of my best friends. Summer and I have talked so much lately. She's another blessing in my life. She's 23, he's 37, and I'm 17. We are such a great trio. When I left church 2 Sundays ago I hugged Summer and I don't think I let go for a second. She's been there through a lot lately and I appreciate her so much. Summer and I teach baton and color guard on Thursday nights. It's pretty beast. =)
I swear this is like a remedy. Every time I type I feel so much better about things. I know I'm not the best writer. (I hear that alot.....) My tutor tells me not to write like I talk. But this is a blog not an essay for an application to a certain school ;)
Good night (or morning by this point) talk to you soon! =)
<3 Lyss
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