I can't win....

Well, I was sooooo close of sleeping through the night. Two nights ago I only woke up 2 times and that was only for like 5 minutes each. I was soooo happy. Then last night I waited till I was completely tired and went to bed..... 6 hours later here I am typing on the computer and very very sad. I think what really bums me out about not being able to sleep well is that we are on vacation and everyday I seem to be a little on edge and taking naps and just in a zone.

We received really bad news last night that I really am not suppose to talk about but it has to do with some person, cancer, and chemo. Now, my mom, dad, and I volunteer at a Cancer Wellness Center up in Meadville and I know chemo works. I think the whole thing that scares me is that this person is gonna be so weak from it. I was talking to my parents last night about all these people I know who have died from cancer or are dying of cancer. They told me to put those people up to everyone I know. It isn't a lot. But it's like 5..... in the past year. Which is a lot to me. They were/are great people in my life.

I wish I was a child again. Like before I was hurt and felt pain for the first time. I didn't worry about death, or thinking correctly, or anything. I was innocent and now I have all these stains of what I've done all over me. I always remind myself that Christ died to clean the sins off His people. But there is something in the back of my head that says that why would He want someone like me. I know that we aren't perfect and we will never be but ya. I'm not sure. If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. I think I'm almost in constant prayer during the day.

This is getting to be pretty depressing.... let's talk about something that's happy.... Grove City College!! =) That always puts a smile on my face. Haha. I'm laying here right now with the laptop on my stomach and it being 5:12 in the morning with this smirk on my face. Nathan was telling me about GCC a couple days ago. Apparently, they give you a laptop and printer for 4 years, complimentary. That definitely put a plus to GCC. =) My parents tell me not to put all my hope in it. It's just a college where I feel maybe where God is calling me. I just pray that I can get accepted.

GCC Pros:
Christian School.
Specific majors (Early Childhood. Elementary Education.)
Laptop and Printer.
Katie, Nathan, and Andy go there already.
Touring Choir, (color guard??), Honor groups for Education (bucket load of them)
50 minutes from home.
Not in a city but not in the country.
Not the biggest school, but not the littlest school.
I met the president of the school at Kennywood and he's a great guy.
It seriously makes me smile just hearing the name.

GCC cons:
$$$$ It's not that much but it's enough to have issues.

Ya. That's all I can think of. And I sat here a couple minutes trying to think about the cons. When I thought about the pros they just came flowing from my mind.

My sister just woke up. Sometimes she only stays awake for like 10 seconds but during those 10 seconds it's the funniest thing ever. Like the other night, I was awake and my dad got up to get some medicine for his stomach. Britt opened up her eyes and looked at me and gave me a face like "I'm mad because I hear noise....". I think you had to be there but she cracks me up. She always gives me a confused face. Hahahaha. I love my sister. =)

Tomorrow, we are going to Sedona, Arizona. Which our next big stop. We are staying there for 6 days. This time it's all relaxation. At Yellowstone we were up and out and driving and walking. Here, it's laying out and reading and just watching God's work without rushing. Maybe my body will calm during this time and let me sleep through the night.... what do you think? It's worth a thought right? After Sedona, we are off to Branson (spell?) Missouri. BM has a show going on right now of all these new Broadway shows put into one show. I'm begging my parents into letting me go and watch it.

Oh!! That made me think! A few days ago we were in Cody, Wyoming and I wasn't in a good mood because of the lack of sleep and my stomach started hurting and ya..... it wasn't cool. But my parents surprised me and we went to an "old time picture" place. There was a pretty awesome set where there was a bar and we got into these "proper ladies" costumes and daddy dressed as a gangster. To shorten the story, after taking the picture we decided on 2 pictures. One of all of us smiling at the camera and one of all the girls pointing their guns at daddy and daddy having a shocked face on. My dad's face was priceless. haha. It was a little slice of theater which made me completely happy.

Which goes into the next thing I'll talk about. We are probably doing Godspell at my church. I may be co-directing with Jason (J-Dawg). John and Sondra will choreograph. The only problem that I see is that we did it when I was in 3rd grade. There were people in the cast that will want the same parts.... that will be a slight problem. But, my dad will be there to support me like he was in "Once Upon A Parable" and maybe if Jason casts with me then maybe some people will understand a little better. Jason is an actor in Pittsburgh. He usually works with Pittsburgh Musical Theater. So- his judgement is critical at times but it's really nice to have someone to help you. Jason has been working on my acting with me. It's really nice of him. Summer is his fiancee and happens to be one of my best friends. Summer and I have talked so much lately. She's another blessing in my life. She's 23, he's 37, and I'm 17. We are such a great trio. When I left church 2 Sundays ago I hugged Summer and I don't think I let go for a second. She's been there through a lot lately and I appreciate her so much. Summer and I teach baton and color guard on Thursday nights. It's pretty beast. =)

I swear this is like a remedy. Every time I type I feel so much better about things. I know I'm not the best writer. (I hear that alot.....) My tutor tells me not to write like I talk. But this is a blog not an essay for an application to a certain school ;)

Good night (or morning by this point) talk to you soon! =)
<3 Lyss