I just need to talk....

to let everything out that's inside of me, since this is a blog, and since I am a slightly emotional girl. (Which I am getting so much better!!) There isn't much in me that is burning at my soul but just a few things that I just need to write down. I guess it mostly has everything to do with school.

1- my love, tutoring- It's basically not there this year. I had 4 study halls at the B2SN and because I'm in AP Brit Lit, they took one away. Ok, I'm fine with that. But I had 8 Study Halls last year. 8. 8 hours of tutoring. 8 periods to help people out that really needed to be helped. I wanted to do that so much this year. SO MUCH. And now, it's taken away. I understand I will have a class one day and I will get to teach the kids, and I also know that my academics are important, but.... hold on, this is becoming a horribly run on sentence. Ok, now that's better. I really think that this tutoring will really do well on my transcripts when I try to find a job and show them that I am responsible. Well, at least next year will hopefully be much better when I'm doing my Sr. Project in teaching. That's going to be.... how do the French say it?.... trés amusant. Well.... something like that.

2- Classes- What is up with the sizes of the books this year? I swear, they took some steroid medicine or something and grew up to be 100 sizes larger. That is so annoying! Dragging your book bag home with 2 over 1,000 pages books and an Algebra 2 book and nothing else can you stick in your book bag so you have to carry the rest. But I have to say, it does really feel good when you bring all your homework home, and sit on a couch and just think to yourself as you are doing your homework. After you are done with all of it, you feel so accomplished. I know all of this will soon pay off. If I do well on my studies, I should do well on my midterms and finals, which will be nice on my transcripts, which with do well to get into a college, which will do well on getting a job, and which will help me teach kids with disabilities. All to honor God. Oh, if I haven't mentioned, and I don't think I did.... I finally figured out what I'm going to study in. Ready?..... A double major in Early Education and Special Ed. I always thought it would be great to be able to teach Special Ed, ever since I was in elementary school and was in a group that helped the mentally handicapped in gym class. =)

3- STRESS. - I totally need a stress ball. I'm not going to go into details with this one but yes.... I'm stressed. I'm trying to control it, it's getting better everyday. I'm beginning to get better at eating in the mornings again. I have only gotten sick 2 times since school started and that was on the first day. I just want to do my best in this school year. I'm so stressed that I can't think about what's happening now, all I can think about is what is happening next month or next year. I'm so stressed about everything, but I somehow found time to write my graduation speech. Ha ha. I'm so stressed about today, but I find comfort in thinking I will be doing a (hopefully more than) 25 hour senior project. I don't think those past 2 sentences made much sense, but in my mind they did, you have to forgive my horrible English.

4- Friends - I love my friends, someway I think of them as my sanity. And that's nuts because if you know my friends we are all somewhat insane. =) My friends and I are getting along pretty nicely this year but I'm not going to lie. Without R it feels different, and I know that I'm going to have to get used to it but ya. I just pray that everything feels better shortly. It's weird to look at the audition sign up sheet and not see her name on it. But praying that God will strengthen me through this will be helpful.

5- Once Upon A Parable - So two guys have dropped out and the cast is still barely making any noise out of their mouth when they sing. I'm trying to pump them up but being only a kid and not really knowing that much. I can't help them as much as I want to. I try my best to explain things to them. We have some of our props now and we are finally understanding the songs. We have only blocked 2 songs (maybe 3) and 1 scene. It's going slow and everything.... little by little..... is kinda (I hate to say it) falling apart. But there is a coming together part of this, everyone seems to be getting comfortable with each other. I need to remember that this is an amateur show, and that this is for the glory of God. If you could also pray for me about this too.

Well, I need to be done, this is getting ridiculously long. If you have made it this far, then thank you for listening to all my thoughts. =) It's is much appreciated.